“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”—Muad’Dib | Dune
I could go back to cold days in December, when even the air itself was invigorating. I miss the newness life had to share then. I was such an introspective and otherwise completely different person then than I am now today. I’m not talking last December or the December before that. I’m talking like 7 years ago December. When Fuse use to actually play music, and good music at that. Times when I could go over to my cousin’s house and jump on the trampoline in the freezing cold. In those split seconds, with the frosting air whipping my hair vertical, I felt unbounded. I can’t even reiterate the freeness those moments held. This was a time before true recognition of stresses and bitterness. There was sadness during those days and of course teenage angst, but even that was somehow escapable. I don’t know why this moment in time sticks with me so strongly, but it always has. Even seven years later, I can remember the outfit I wore and the people I was with. I can even remember the way the cold air felt on my uncovered face and way it had it’s own distinguishing smell, somehow. It’s odd how certain memories are engraved into our minds..
Last year, I began to hate the cold. Before this, the chill was always something I looked forward to. It was somehow stimulating before. But, last winter, something had changed. It was depressing, lonely, and completely undesirable. I wish I could feel that same excitement and invigoration from the cold again.
I’m cleaning up my old cpu that I used from 6th-10th grade. Hello random msn convo histories and hilarity. I would say I miss it, but my stupidity was too great to go back too. However, I did find a lot of really awesome ironically funny pictures. and emo pictures of course. I dont know why I wasnt made to clear it earlier.. oh well. No time like the present!
Manhattan - a pretty neat film. It had an interesting black and white effect with ironic scenes portraying the demoralization of the future generation because of what has become acceptable and really even desirable.
Opposed to Strawberry Fields! haha, so a few weeks ago I tumbled about how I had always wanted to take pictures in a sunflower field because sunflowers are my absolute favorite flowers ever and they seem to just EXUDE happiness because they are so amazingly beautiful and yellow and just great.
Well, apparently my boyfriend saw my tumble and wanted to bring this wish to life. Yesterday, he came to my house, basically kidnapped me, and gave me NO information other than “dress cute and summery.” We drove for a good 20-25 mins. When we finally arrived, I saw this beautiful warm sunflower field right in front of me! I just couldn’t stop smiling. We basically had a photo opp in the sunflower field and most of the pictures came out super duper cute. In sum, I have the sweetest boyfriend ever. and love him sooo much.