don't wake me; i plan on sleeping

For the first time

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 23:33:56 -0400

For the first time in an entire year, I finally am stress free. This time last summer I had just gone through surgery and then immediately began summer courses. And then began fall semester at UGA, which also happened to be the most difficult semester and time of my life. Then fall break happened and Granny was dying, and for the second time in my life I had to helplessly watch as someone I loved die. Then spring semester began and I finally realized that there was more to life than studying and hating everything and wishing I was back home, but I still had to study for the LSAT and my research was getting published and I had to try to focus while partying incessantly and making new friends.

and then I just took the LSAT today.

and I’m free

and I dont know what to do.

I really just want to stay up all night long and finish a book

and then sleep in incredibly late tomorrow

and then drive back to athens

and see all of my friends

and just feel elation.

total and effervescent elation.

Part of me just wants to pour my heart out to my tumblr, or even my real blog. Just let everything thats happened out. All the terrible things I’ve felt and the stress and the good things and how my life is so inconceivably different today than it was 6 months ago.

I wish I could even put the things I want to say into words. But, I honestly can’t.

Something that’s terrifying: I don’t know where I will be in another 6 months.

I don’t know if there will be law school or grad school or no school at all. If I’ll be in Athens, or Atlanta, or home, or nowhere. but for once, i’m going to focus on the present. even though its so weird and strange and uncomfortable right now. Its all I have. And I’m so tired of worry about everything that WILL happen or that COULD happen or that SHOULD happen. Fuck. I’ve finally reached a point in my life where, if its going to happen… then let it. and if it doesn’t, then so be it.

I’ve fought and craved and denied myself everything for SO long. I’ve struggled with philosophy and religion and relationships and EVERYTHING. and now, everything is middle ground. nothing is definite but everything is in play. I don’t know

On another slightly random note, I’m not going downtown until I’m 21. I haven’t drank a single drop until tonight since I pretty much vowed not to in Athens. I don’t really feel like getting wasted and partying all the time anymore. Its cool if all my friends do, but I think I’m really going to lay off. That’s just not who I am. I don’t like how I feel. or maybe I like it too much. either way, its done.

I did it tonight because I was sad and lonely and annoyed and just wanted something to do.

But, no more.

I wish I was still close to the people in my life that understood me when I was like this. I think there were only 2 or 3 people that ever really knew me well enough, or cared to know me well enough when I was in this particular state of mind.

one is now happily married

the other one is now completely different from how I use to know him to be and is involved with a lot of different drugs

Its been six years since I’ve found someone that wanted to understand what I was thinking on a real level. like none of that easy conversational bullshit. the real things.

I want to wake up in the swing facing the pond at the farm watching the sun rise again. I want to talk to someone that reads books and can talk about philosophy and contemplates religion and has life goals and wants to do things and see things and go places and doesn’t want mediocrity.

that fucking hates mediocrity.

and that also hates swearing.

because I hate it

even when I do it.

but its crass and powerful and sometimes its just fucking necessary.

like this blog post was.

sorry if you read this, world.

This is what I look like after a 5 hour test

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 20:04:06 -0400

disregard my life.

please.

LSAT is over

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 19:35:38 -0400

LSAT is over

what’s in your head, zombie?

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 15:01:12 -0400

what’s in your head, zombie?

Dear

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 14:48:42 -0400

Random ass law schools that got my email address and are sending me automated “good luck on the LSAT” emails,
Stop. You’re just making me more nervous.

:o :o :o :o :o :o
Sincerely,
Ahhhhhhh 7 dayzzzzzz

Operation get swole has officially begun

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 21:49:59 -0400

Operation get swole has officially begun

"The brakes are broken, that’s alright The tires got air and the chain seems tight Hopped on,..."

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 14:40:12 -0400

“

The brakes are broken, that’s alright
The tires got air and the chain seems tight
Hopped on, and felt the summertime
It reminds me of one of them usob lines
Like

Sunshine sunshine its fine
I feel it in my skin, warmin up my mind
Sometimes you gotta give in to win
I love the days that it shines
Whoa let it shine

”

- Sunshine | Atmosphere

I’m so ready for my friends to be back from europe. i miss them. can’t wait to feel that sunshine!

brianthemute: I will never not reblog this. Accurate

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 09:09:46 -0400

brianthemute:

I will never not reblog this.

Accurate

fyeahscarlettohara: Vivien Leigh was born 99 years ago today....

Sat, 01 Jun 2013 22:17:02 -0400

fyeahscarlettohara:

Vivien Leigh was born 99 years ago today. Happy Birthday, Vivien!

a love like theirs.

oh heeey, bradley cooper has freckles, too.

Sat, 01 Jun 2013 00:12:10 -0400

oh heeey, bradley cooper has freckles, too.

"There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."

Thu, 30 May 2013 21:38:26 -0400

“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

- Morpheus | The Matrix

ilikeditbetterwhenyouhadnoheart: lemonspock how I feel when...

Wed, 29 May 2013 20:50:51 -0400

ilikeditbetterwhenyouhadnoheart:

lemonspock

how I feel when working formal logic

"Why do we get out of bed? Is there any feeling better then being in bed? What could possibly feel..."

Wed, 29 May 2013 20:05:39 -0400

“Why do we get out of bed? Is there any feeling better then being in bed? What could possibly feel better than this? What is going to happen in the course of my day that will be an improvement over lying on something very soft, underneath something very warm, wearing only underwear, doing absolutely nothing, all by myself?”

- Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl (via work-hard-no-excuses)

Photo

Wed, 29 May 2013 19:20:31 -0400

2 points away

Mon, 27 May 2013 16:24:13 -0400

from an LSAT score that will get me into UGA law

2 points away from everything I’ve wanted since my junior year of high school.

IWANTITIWANTITIWANTITIWANTITIWANITIWANITIWANTIT. AHH

and not even giving a shit about all the other distractions in my life.

Me during the day: I'm so fucking tired oh my God I can't wait to go to bed tonight

Sun, 26 May 2013 10:25:35 -0400

Me during the day: I'm so fucking tired oh my God I can't wait to go to bed tonight
Me during the night: Let's download the top 100 songs from the 90s and listen to them all while writing a novel and watching an entire season of something and maybe rearrange my room

this is so me

Like the ceiling can't hold us

Sat, 25 May 2013 18:14:04 -0400

consistently breaking 70% in logical reasoning.

get on it, LSAT.

10 days until test time.

10 days until my entire future is decided.

10 days until I TTAU

bam bam bam bam

Amelia is beautiful, the weather is perfect, the tennis pros are tan, and life couldn’t be better.

if this doesn’t motivate you to work out… then you...

Fri, 24 May 2013 17:48:28 -0400

if this doesn’t motivate you to work out… then you have serious issues

"There is suffering, dukkha. Dukkha should be understood. Dukkha has been understood. There is the..."

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:21:27 -0400

“

There is suffering, dukkha. Dukkha should be understood. Dukkha has been understood.

There is the origin of suffering, which is attachment to desire (Tanha). Desire should be let go of. Desire has been let go of.

There is the cessation of suffering, of dukkha. The cessation of dukkha should be realized. The cessation of dukkha has been realized.

There is the Eightfold Path, the atthangika magga - the way out of suffering.

”

- Buddha - The Four Noble Truths

Lilo, I still love you.

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:38:36 -0400

Lilo, I still love you.